The Opposite end of traditional “street harassment”: the girl who never get’s cat called
In feminist spaces I see a lot of feminists complain about being street harassed. I read about it and I totally sympathize with their experiences, even though I have never experienced them myself. I am a female myself but am not conventionally attractive. I am not hideous but more or less a plain jane. On top of that I have ALWAYS valued comfort over style, so dressing feminine isn’t something I do on a regular basis. I wear a lot of loose jeans and T-shirts. But yeah, anyway, know that I am not trying to play “who has it harder” or anything but rather I am making this to share my experiences of getting the opposite end of the shit-covered stick that is street harassment that I don’t see being mentioned. I call it street dismissal.
When I say street dismissal I am talking about men who feel the need to subtly announce that unattractive women are not worthy of respect or acknowledgement because they are not a conventionally attractive female or their fellow man.
Some examples I’ve personally experienced include:
- Many guys at parties will arrive or leave, give all the men handshakes, give the attractive women hugs, but won’t even make eye contact with me. I am not a guy or a hot girl so I don’t exist.
- I’ve been bumped into in public without an apology by men. I am not an attractive girl or your fellow man, so it makes sense for you to not even notice I am there.
- One time I was walking behind a group of attractive women. A guy spotted us. Opened the door for the three women and shut the door in my face. I am not worthy of his time because I am not attractive.
- I once was charged a cover on ladies night because I went out to the bar in my work uniform. (red shirt khaki pants)
- Another time at a bar, I saw an open space to order a drink. The guy sitting next to me saw me, raised his eyebrows and turned the other way to make sure I don’t DARE try to talk to him. (Because I totally went there to hit on him and NOT get a drink right?)
- I once went with my gay male friend to a straight guys house he knew. The first thing out of the straight guy’s mouth was “I was totally excited when you had a chick with you. Nevermind!” the whole night he offered my friend drinks and didn’t offer me a thing and seemed frustrated when I asked where the bathroom was. The only other thing he said that night was “do you have any hot single friends that would come over here?”
- Another time I went with a female friend of mine to get drinks. We met up with her guy friend. He ordered a round of beers for everyone except me. His excuse was “he didn’t know she was going to bring someone along and he is low on money” that was until his guy friend from high school showed up unexpectedly and he quickly bought him a drink.
These are just examples that have happened to me. So my question is are there any other “unattractive” girls out there that experience things similar to this?
I just wanted to speak from the other perspective. We always hear the horror stories of sexism from the perspective of the women who are objectified by men in the sense of “oo I want that.” and not too many in the sense of “oo, ew DO NOT WANT”
This may seem like a big long rant that looks like “WAH PRETTY GIRLS GET THINGS AND I DON’T OH MY LIFE SUCKS” but I don’t mean to come off that way. Because I feel the need to mention that guys don’t do this just to get laid. This is where it’s important to bring up the fact that we are treated with less respect than other men. Men aren’t decent people to other men because they want to fuck them. They are decent to them because they see them as equals that deserve basic respect and acknowledgement. But we are women and to these men either you try to fuck them because they are hot or want them to go away. An unattractive woman has no purpose to him.
Misogyny affects all women negatively.
THIS IS IMPORTANTAs a woman who gained a lot of weight right out of high-school and spent 3 years in ill fitting clothes and various terrible haircuts, then lost the weight in her early twenties and drastically refined her look — I have lived both sides of this equation. And I think having experienced the dismissal makes it all the more glaringly obvious how hollow the so called “positive” attention really is.
ecouter-bien’s tags: #this has definitely happened to me#i’ve been on both sides of this experience and let me tell you they’re both awful#on one hand if you deemed thin/attractive/fitting conventional stereotypes of attractiveness you’ll be catcalled#on the other hand if you don’t you’re literally invisible and don’t exist to them#you’re not even human to them#that’s kind of a horrifying thought actually#I’ve been fat and invisible#lost weight and been not invisible#got the confidence to style myself how I like (which isn’t conventional) and returned to being invisible#fuck every facet of misogyny that reduces women’s worth and visibility to appearance#it’s dangerous to be visible and invisible#misogyny#sexism#my life#queue
There are more charts if you click through.
I’m so glad this info graphic is going around, because so many people don’t realize how ageism and misogyny play hand in hand and how the sexualization of young girls play into this.
The reason females are still oppressed within modern progressive society is twofold. Social stigma of men against women, and social stigma of women against themselves. When men lay down their prejudices and treat women as equals in society and the workplace, women are able to confidently pursue their passions without fear of false male superiority. Only then will society truly advance.
This isn’t about women’s advocacy, it is about equality for all people.
Well, I find that terrifically difficult stuff. Look, in a sense, he was trying to express approval, but what’s wrong with being feminine? What is he actually saying? The problem is that men have extreme difficulty with powerful women, who will immediately be dubbed masculine. I don’t accept that. Yes, I’m a powerful woman, but I don’t think I’m like a man at all. I don’t want to be a man. It’s not something that any person of my gender would wish, whether lesbian or straight. We’re women. I want to be allowed to be a powerful woman without being told that means I’m like a man.
The way I view feminism — and I know there are a lot of different things going on — but, at its purest form, to me, it’s a very positive, supportive, nurturing, empowerment thing. I mean, God, who isn’t a feminist? If you don’t think women are as good as men, you’re not a good person. I like to think that most of the population of people worth being friends with are feminists, if that’s what feminism means.
Instead of pretending that all women share the same experience, that we are one and the same, let’s make the word “woman” a perpetual agent of change. Instead of repeating history by chaining ourselves to one specific definition or concept, let’s make the word “woman” a celebration of each of our uniqueness.